WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Nov 9
I was trying to fill in a form at uni today, to start going to counselling. There was a question which asked me if I planned to kill myself; it was a ‘yes or no’ question…how was I supposed to answer? No, I am not going to kill myself in the foreseeable future, but I have planned how I’ll do it, and under what circumstances I think it’s acceptable for me to do it. I think about suicide more than I am comfortable with, I self-harm but that has nothing to do with wanting to kill myself. Though whenever the train pulls into the station, or a bus drives past me or I’m on a bridge, I just think about what it’s be like if I just jumped. Would I be weightless? Would I fly? Would I feel pain? Would my mind be clear of all negativity?

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Nov 13
warning: potentially triggering